Artist Statement:

Messages is an artist book that expresses concern and curiosity for the parents’ smoking habits through the structural form of a cigarette box. Through text and tone it portrays different perspectives as individual cigarettes, representing the complex sides and opinions on smoking habits and drug use in relation to familial relationships. As the reader unrolls and rolls, the realization of distorted ideas about self-help, coping, drug use, evokes a fixated consternation. This allows for multiple emotions about drug use and family relationships to coexist.

My father has been a heavy cigarette smoker all his life. He always had to have a pack of Marlboro Light 100s on him, but that also meant my siblings and I’s birthday candles could always be lit. Growing up, I was told to walk in front of him rather than beside him, and I think I always felt a little sad about that. When I found out that my mother also smoked and had just been keeping it a secret, I felt both betrayed and unsurprised. In my relationship with my parents, I often experience feelings of frustration and sympathy at the same time, and I had to learn how to navigate the duality of my emotions. How does a child cope with their parents’ dangerous coping methods? How can I tell my parents that I care about them, but also that what they do hurts us all?

Cardstock, somerset, acrylic, watercolor, ink, imitation gold leaf.